Why do I feel so guilty for moving out? I had to do it. It was driving me crazy to live there. I hate waiting on my mom hand and foot and being responsible for all the housework. I feel bad that Chris is doing it now but he chose that. Living there I was stressed out and angry all the time. I hated watching my mom kill herself through smoking, isolating herself, and poor eating habits.

My heart aches for my mom. My heart aches for the mom I used to have. I wish she made better choices. I wish she understood that I still love her. But I had to get out. I worry that I will make the same mistakes as Chris and be back to where I started, but, I have things going for me that Chris didn't have.

I feel like there's a sickness in my family, especially in my mom. I have to break this sickness. I have to get well and heal from the dysfunction. I look at the women in my life, from Angie and CAndace, to my instructor Mrs. Winn, and I realize they each have traits that I want to cultivate in myself. I still want to be me and be like me, but they are my role models. I wish my mom was my role model.