At this point I've been married for over a year and have been working in the IT field for over a year. Things are okay but hard sometimes. I just switched to night shift a few weeks ago which has caused Thomas and I to have to be creative about when we spend time together.
In my need for constant self-improvement, and a big need to lost weight I have started on the daniel plan.
It emphasises five areas: food, focus, faith, friends and fitness. This first entry regarding that is about where I am in those five areas.
Even though I am now less than 15 pounds shy of 300, I don't think my issue is food or fitness. I think the issue runs deeper. I think my issues are with faith and/or focus. And my thing with faith is that I am angry with God, and a part of me doesn't want a relationship with him, at least not one that others have.
My life has changed a lot over the past four years. People that just met me over the past year have no idea. I know that God is with me throughout all those changes, and I know he probably used things to play his plan out. I don't know where God has been in all those changes. Did he want me to continue living with my mom? Did he not want me to marry? Did he not want me to be in the IT field? Did I lose God because I had sex before marriage and didn't really feel guilty? I don't know and that bothers me.
After I had sex with Thomas (which happened five months before our wedding day and set a laundry list of things in motion) my heart opened up to receive love from him. A lot of the issues I had with SSA were gone because now I could actually love Thomas without all those emotional barriers in the way. If I hadn't had sex with Thomas I might not have married him, sad to say.
My main thing with faith is that I need to figure out where God was in all the changes in my life over the past four years. Did I do it? Or was it God? Did God want me to?
I also need to buckle down and have a relationship with God.
I went through Pathways in 2012, and I forgot to mention that above. That experience changed my life for the better. It helped me figure out more about myself and helped me break through barriers. They emphasise taking responsibility, and creating the life that a person wants for themselves. I learned from Pathways that I need to create an action plan. It's what I thrive by. I also need to set goals that are easily attainable. I may not be able to go to the gym four times, but I can go twice.
My action plan for faith is the following:
Email Rick Warren about that booklet he wrote, and have him send one for me and one for Thomas (he's doing the daniel plan as well!)
Spend ten minutes everyday in prayer and in reading the bible (I will probably start with Proverbs and Psalms.)
Pray for God to show me where he was in all the changes in my life over the past few years, pray he shows me what creating a life for myself means, pray that he helps me resolve my anger, and pray that I learn how to live for myself without leaving God out. Before Pathways I lived for others approval. Also, pray for a changed heart.
My action plan for fitness:
Work out cardio-wise for 20 minutes a day at least two times this week. The best times for me are right after work. I can go to the gym, go to the gym at my work, or work out here.
Do weight lifiting at least twice by next Sunday
Action plan for food:
Have only 12 oz of pop a day
ditch energy drinks,
drink only coffee and water
spend only 10 dollars this week on fast food
Keep a food diary
Action plan for friends
See if the ladies have facebook or want to do something different with social media
at least twice this week communicate with ladies in my group
hang out with at least one other friend
Action plan for focus:
Start my grateful list
Do a sticker chart
