I have made some discoveries about myself....
The first: I really need sleep. Maybe I need more sleep than the average Jane, I don't know. But, when I don't sleep well, I can't function well. Sleeping well and enough does wonders for my day. At least 7 hours, but probably closer to 8.
The second: I engage in sexual behavior (self) to get rid of strong emotions or to meet my needs for affection and love. Sometimes I do sexual things because I'm sexually aroused, which as a 27 year old single person, I give myself grace. But, more often than not, I'm not sexually aroused or even feeling sexual. I'm feeling a strong emotion that I don't know how to deal with. Or, I have had a crappy day and I just need someone to hold me, kiss me, wrap their arms around me, and tell me that I'm doing just fine, that things will work out, that I am moving forward and doing right in life. Sometimes while being sexual I will express the emotion, but ususally I go to a different place, get my release, and then the emotion is forgotten, temporarily. Bottom line: there is nothing wrong with sexual release if I am genuinely feeling sexual. I still need to moderate it, but I refuse to feel guilty if I'm doing it because I'm feeling sexual. However, I need to stop engaging in sexual behavior to get rid of emotions I don't know how to deal with. I need to learn how to deal with my emotions, but I'm not sure how. I'm also not sure how to get my needs for affection and love met. I don't want to be too huggy with my friends, I don't want a boyfriend, and I don't live with my mom anymore. But even if I did, I wouldn't feel comfortable with her meeting that need. I feel more comfortable with feeling horny or sexual than I do with feeling angry, sad, hurt, not loved, not pretty, stressed. I actually hate emotions and wish I didn't have them sometimes. I really have no use for emotions in my life. Logic is so much more attractive and easier!
