stuff

Learning Binary, want to learn octal and hexadecimal. Going to download Visual Basic for free.
I'm excited. Class is going better today. I'm going to talk to a person named Deb about possible job oppurtunities. I've decided that I want something part time maybe 20 to 25 hours a week. I know that will work with my schedule and allow me to do the things I want to do. I just want some spending money for gas and to buy the things I need to buy, while also allowing me to save money for an apartment. Still waiting to hear back from Voc Rehab

disrespect

I wonder if a lot of people with Asperger's syndrome and other disabilities feel a lot of disrespect coming from their peers. It's that feeling that because I'm not like that other person that I'm not as good as them or worth as much. I get that feeling a lot from the guys in my class. I feel like a lot of them have a problem with me being in there. It's not my fault I have aspergers syndrome. I am coping with life the best that I can. I think that's why I have a problem with any religion that says there is only one way to be. All my life I have gotten the message that there's only one way to be, and since I'm not that way then I'm not as good. I hate having to conform to the NT standard of living when I'm not NT. I am autistic. Get used to it. To me, telling people that they have to accept Christ or go to hell is like telling a person that if they are autistic, then they need to act more NT because as an autistic, they are second rate. A part of me wonders if I should tell the guys I have aspergers syndrome, but Ms. Winn says I shouldn't. A part of me feels they wouldn't understand and would just feel I'm trying to illicit sympathy from them.

There's this one high school guy named S that's a little jerk. The Christian in me says pray for him. The bad mean girl in me says teach him a lesson he won't forget. He's so rude and condescending to me. And this other guy whos an adult. The first day I thought he was okay since I looked at his computer. But he is condescending and rude too.

Song of Myself

My song today is in the key of C# minor and involves pink yellow and brown. It has a slow melodic way about it in 4/4 time. I'm feeling really insecure, dumb and overloaded. I worry my classmates don't like me. I also worry that Chris and I haven't talked for a week and a half. Does he still like me? I don't want to send him too many messages because I don't want to smother him, but I have grown quite fond of him and I need him now. I need to know he still likes me and wants to be my boyfriend.

I got really overloaded and overwhelmed with information today and forgot everything. Man, I feel stupid....

Heavy Heart

I am feeling a lot of hurt and insecurity today. My mom and I had a fight yesterday and she said some really mean things to me. I know she did it out of fear and anger. I know at 26 I'm still not as mature as other 26 year olds and I still make dumb choices. But, I am learning, growing and kind of playing catch up. I know I'm not "dumber than green corn shit" like my mom said. And I know that she probably didn't mean it. But it still hurts and cuts me to the core. I know I've said hurtful things to her before, but I've never said anything like this. She said it out of anger and so maliciously. I am trying to recover emotionally and it's hard, real hard. I feel really withdrawn today and like my classmates hate me or think I'm weird. I also feel bad because I forgot my medication today. I need to remember to take it, somehow incorporate it into my school routine....

I love ya, tomorrow, you're only a day away......

After six years out of the classroom working menial jobs for minimum wage, da ta dum.......I start school tomorrow! Yay! I will be going to Tulsa Tech and taking CISCO networking. I thought this day would never arrive. I'm nervous and excited. I'm also worried about gas money. It seems like the four or five days before payday are always the tightest. I am hoping I get a job soon. Applying for more places, and I have to go to walmart tomorrow and talk to Lois. It turns out that 81st and Lewis didn't do what they were supposed to do and so I am still registered as being employed with walmart. I'm hoping maybe a transfer will come my way. Glenpool and Sapulpa are the closest to my school and the second closest to my home....

Another Stinky Award

Dr. Laura gives out what she calls the stinky awards to organizations and people that she feels are against the best interest of families. I have a few stinky awards I want to give out as well. One of them is to the football players of glen ridge high school that raped and sodomized a 17 year old mentally impaired girl in 1988 and 1. said that she wanted and asked for it and 2. barely got punished for the crime. I also want to give another stinky award to the townspeople, pastors and coaches who supported these monsters and refused to believe this young woman. I caught the tail end of the movie Outrage in Glen Ridge and was appalled.

I don't care what people think, a person with an IQ of 62 cannot, I repeat, cannot, give consent. This girl didn't even really know what was happening to her. She had the intelligence of an 8 year old. She had known these boys her whole life and thought they were her friends. They did horrible things to her, and most of them got off scot free. I think a couple had to serve a few years in prison. None of them had to register as sex offenders or anything. This angers me. In my opinion, these monsters need to spend the rest of their lives in prison, after they are castrated without anesthesia.

Do we have a law to protect the mentally disabled (I am including those who are mentally retarted and who struggle with mental illness in the same group for simplicity sake)? I know that we have a law to protect children and teenagers. An 18 year old can go to jail for having sex with a 15 year old, even if the 15 year old asked for it. My 21 year old cousin is in prison on rape charges because he had sex with a 15 year old girl when he was 19. This girl flung herself at my cousin and pursued him like a mad dog in heat. And, like the idiot he was, he had sex with her. The girl's mom turned my cousin in, and now he's taking the heat for it. He will have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life once he serves his time. Now, I'm not saying what my cousin did was right at all. He needs to have the crap beat out of him for being so stupid. But if my cousin had said in his trial "that slut wanted it. She begged for it", the judge would have laughed in his face. But that's what these hooligans fron Glen Ridge said. She wanted it, she begged for it? She was also mentally disabled with the intelligence of a second grader. It doesn't matter if she wanted it or not. She was impaired, and therefore couldn't give consent.

Yucky ucky

I am proud of myself for going out and running when I had certain things come up. I feel much better about myself for not giving into mediocrity. I've also done the dishes and cleaned the crockpot for mom, and I've also made headway on cleaning my room. I've also only drank one 20 ounce pop today, although I did eat some chocolate donuts.

However, I've felt totally yucky since about 4 PM. I have had a lot of sinus drainage, which has made my throat totally sore. I've also had a lot of lethargy, muscle soreness, and a sore neck. I've been taking it easy (sort of) and I took a two hour nap earlier. Hope I feel better tomorrow. I've gotta do some paperwork and accompany my mom to her appointment.